It's getting a bit obsessive

I'm feeling incredibly conflicted. And for those of you who know me--it is not normal. I tend to pride myself on my decision making skills: assess all possible options, pick one, move on. I don't like wallowing in indecision.

I've recently come upon a book; Growing Roots: The New Generation of Sustainable Farmers, Cooks, and Food Activists. And all I can say is: Wow. Mind blown. This book is basically a compilation of interviews the author did across the country of organic farmers, cooks and activists...hippies...tree huggers--my folk. I have a feeling this book isn't nearly as revolutionary as I think it is, but in reading these interviews I've found myself longing to have the life these people do. A simple, nearly self-sustaining life where you know where your food comes from or know who grew/raised it. I want that. Maybe my baby-fever-longing-for-a-dairy-cow psychosis is really just a longing to return to the earth--for a simpler life. Now don't get me wrong; I know the term 'simple life' implies there is little work to be done when the opposite is true, but it is what my heart is aching for.

And now for the indecision: I do not live on farm land. We live in the county, thank God, which means we can get away with quite a lot, but this is where God put me. He did not send me to live on 40 acres with a herd of dairy cows and chickens underfoot, and short of digging up every available space in the back yard and turning it into pasture, I don't think Bessy the milking cow will ever take up residence on West Yellowstone Ave. So where does that leave me? With a passion for organic agriculture, relatively little knowledge in any one aspect of it and little land to use as an outlet. My solutions? Learn. Learn by reading, by doing and by seeking out others who do what I want to do. In the mean time I really hope I don't run off what friends and family I do have with my incessant thoughts and words on this topic. If you're not a tree hugging, cow-lovin' wanna-be farmer, then please forgive me. I can't help myself.