Even though the girls have been under the weather and there were a million other things that we really should have been attending to on Saturday, John and I decided to get out of the house and hike Badger Mountain together. I don't remember the last time we did this. It was when Audrey was not so large and in charge...that's for sure. She definitely wasn't mobile or capable of yelling the phrase "come on!!" yet.
Even though John and I have a great love for hiking, we've found ourselves reluctant to take the girls with us. It's a hassle; there is so much more gear to carry. Add in potty training and feeding schedules and you've got another mountain to traverse before you've even left the house. But we NEEDED to get out of the house and get some exercise. Spring had sprung! We had to be out enjoying nature! So, we took the mandatory hour and a half to get the girls fed, clothed, packed up, diapered/potty break-ed and into the car and we headed to the mountain. John carried the camelbak pack and Bailey in her front carrier while I proudly wore Audrey in my Moby wrap on my back. It has been a long time since I've worn Audrey in a carrier and she was not ecstatic about it from the get-go. But, I'm the Mama...and I'm more stubborn than she is. If only by a hair. After a few minutes of shrieking, struggling to get out and screaming anything from "UPPY!" to "I Potty!" or "I'm Heavy!!!" The Dragon finally gave in (for the most part) and allowed me to carry her on my back up the Mountain. One mountain conquered. Check!
We had decided to take the back way up Badger; it's not as steep, but the trail is much longer. And I was plugging along, trying not to stop for water breaks because I knew Audrey would come out of her sick-sleepy stupor and start screaming again. And I started thinking...like I haven't been able to think since having a baby...because recently every waking moment consists of thoughts of parenting and what I need to be doing next. But, what I needed to do next on the mountain was keep walking. And that was the easy part.
I started thinking about how difficult it is to hike when you're flabby and out of shape and when I wanted to rest I remembered how hard labor was and the climbing seemed like sissy stuff. I thought about my girls and my struggles with breastfeeding and how I've come to peace with my decisions for them. I thought about how proud I am of the things I set out to conquer successfully like natural childbirth, baby wearing and cloth diapering and I was proud for having succeeded. Mostly I thought of all the struggles I've been through as a parent and whether I felt I had come out victorious or struggled relentlessly instead.
Amidst all this John insisted that I stop for water breaks or to catch my breath and eventually he told me it was time to turn around; that we didn't need to make it to the summit today; that we had gotten some great exercise and a lot of quality time with the girls. And he was right. I had set out to hike the summit to prove that I could do it. But I didn't need to. So I turned around and on the way back down I thought about how parenting is really just hiking a series of mountains, trying like hell to reach the summit, knowing you might never reach it and being ok with it.
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