In Which Jessica and Matt venture to the Northwest and I Pee in the Woods

It has taken me a while to get around to writing this post...yet again because I just don't think I can do the story justice. It's an epic tale that begins innocently with my best friend from High School, Jessica, and her fiance, Matt, planning a trip to come see the Schweighardt clan.

Times being what they are and air fare being ridiculously expensive, Jessica found some decent tickets into Portland and decided to jump on the deal. I hadn't been to Portland in over a year and have subsequently been craving some good quality sushi, so I bribed my friend Jackie to take the 3 1/2 hour drive with me to Portland with the promise of a delicious sushi meal before we picked Jess and Matt up from the airport.

We left with plenty of time to spare and perhaps it was an unacknowledged sense of foreboding in the air, but Jackie and I started swapping stories of bad luck we've had on road trips. Let me warn you: This will ALWAYS produce a jinx...save the horror stories for when you get home or at the very least, knock on wood. Consider yourself warned.

So, it should come as no surprise that traffic came to a complete stop fifty miles from the Portland airport...in the middle of nowhere. (If you're wondering where nowhere is, it's somewhere between Hood River and Wyeth, OR.) Luckily, Nowhere is at least blessed with a dense forest, because you just can't stop a pregnant lady for 4 hours with no indoor plumbing in sight and expect her to be fine. So, after scowling at every man who decided to relieve himself on the edge of the forest...in view of everyone...just flaunting that the lack of a restroom is no hindrance to the male call of nature, Jackie and I crossed two railroad tracks, scaled a steep hill, grabbing onto pine tree branches as anchors along the way and finally found a suitable place to relieve ourselves. I think this is another way God punished women...seriously, Eve? Did you HAVE to eat the fruit? I mean, did you never think you would be stranded on the side of the road and need to pee? Gah! Women!

Anyway, there's nothing quite like being forced to pee in the woods to create a bond between two people. Once the traffic started moving again and we got over the fact that a flaming hay wagon had delayed us for over four hours, Jackie and I celebrated by rocking out to Bohemian Rhapsody. What can I say, it's an elixir. We even made it to the airport just as Matt and Jess got their bags. Divine intervention really is strange sometimes; maybe God doesn't want me to have sushi.

...the actual story of Jessica and Matt's visit with us will be continued in the next post...unless you want to wait another week for me to get around to finishing this one.

Norbert is almost 10 weeks old and the size of a kumquat. He's still making mama sleepy and now a picky eater...but she's still not technically complaining.