An Ode to Jewish Kitty

Being a stay-at-home mother, I spend a great deal of my time around toys--stuffed monkeys, loud quacking ducks, sweet bongo drums--dream job, right? Well, It turns out, all toys are not created equally for your child's entertainment; some toys are made with the sole purpose of mystifying and confusing parents. I'm talking, of course, about the category of "ambiguous toys". Take caterpillar/butterfly/bug/fairy for instance or ladybug/elephant/frog. It's like the toy companies decided to spice up those poor, bored parents' lives and keep them guessing as to what toy their child is actually playing with. Am I actually staring at a pink elephant/rhino/monkey or do I just need to get another cup of coffee? Enter: Jewish Kitty and our ode to him courtesy of yours truly and my equally confused husband.


3,000 years of beautiful tradition from Moses to Sandy Koufax can't be wrong. Once a devout Rabbi, now a gender confused axe man--Jewish Kitty--you not only know how to define the word ambiguous but you can rock like Chuck Berry.

Thank you, Grand Jeanne for bringing this frisky feline into our lives. Audrey's new best friend has not only brought hours of entertainment for Dragon and adults alike, but has also introduced the phrase "Shalom-meow" into our collective vocabulary. And for this we are eternally grateful.

Hilliard Photo Shoot

Since this is my blog and I think we would all agree that I am pretty much the fascist dictator around here, I wanted to take the opportunity to brag on some friends of ours and shamelessly promote their new business.

Steve and Natalie Hilliard are old friends of John and Kathryn's. They're currently living in the Seattle area but may possibly be moving back to the Tri-Cities soon. Anyway, both Steve and Natalie have a passion for photography and have recently been considering making a go of it professionally. We did a photo shoot with them a few weeks ago, but the weather wasn't cooperative and the Schweighardt house has horrible lighting. Yesterday, however, was gorgeous so we decided to meet Steve and Natalie at our favorite park and do a full-on photo shoot.

Anyone who has been around the Dragon lately knows she's pretty serious around new people. We got some awesome shots of the (patent-pending) Dragon scrawl and considering there was some pretty intense wind going on, we miraculously got some great family shots, with and without hair in my face. Check out the pictures here and let me know if you're in the area and want to contact Steve and Natalie for a photo shoot.

The Early Grave Bit

I'm starting to understand what parents mean by their children sending them to an early grave. Now, Audrey may be a handful, but she's not the out of control, trying to kill herself at every possible opportunity kind of kid. STILL. The stress physically exhausts me every time she gnaws off a piece of board book (I'm not talking mushy bits, here--I mean CHUNKS) and tries to swallow it before I can snatch it out of her mouth. Don't get me wrong, I'm getting pretty efficient at doing the baby version of the Heimlich and I don't really ever get visibly panicked when these things happen, but there is no way to stop that little voice in the back of my head--you know, the one that is implanted directly after birth--the one that is screaming "OHMYGODSHE'SGONNADIE!!!!" Yeah, that's what's causing me to lose minutes, hours and occasionally days off my life.

This got me to thinking; I'm worried about chunks of ingested cardboard here? How's it going to feel when she's strangling herself with the blind cords...or worse...driving?? Going to college?? Gads! Either we need to perform an exorcism to get rid of these alarmist voices, or Audrey can just start getting used to being bubble girl. I know what you're thinking: Tell the young priest and the old priest to take five--why don't you just stop letting Audrey eat books? Well, I guess I value inspiring Audrey's love of reading more than my own life. How's that for parenting?

In other, less alarming news, Audrey is officially 8 months old! We went to the pediatrician yesterday for an appointment, but Nurse Ratchet didn't weigh her; Audrey just got two shots and a "see ya later". Talk about your bedside manner. We don't go back to the doctor until May, so remain on the edge of your seats until then and I'll let you know how much the little Butterball has gained.

Also, I feel the need to brag on my own culinary skills here for once. Usually my cuisine is in the category of "edible" or "good, not great" But, last night's dinner was "That was so good, I forgot to breath while eating". I made up a recipe for pork tenderloin with sweet chili pepper orange sauce and rosemary potatoes. If you're not salivating right now, feel free to begin. We also had raspberry mirror cake with white chocolate shavings for dessert to celebrate Audrey's birthday, but I can't take credit for it, the good people at Fred Meyer made that for me.

Well, I'm off to scavenge in the fridge for leftovers from last night's feast and maybe some tea to calm the nerves. This parenting thing isn't easy, you know!

Meet Me In St. Louis

The Dragon and I have returned from the Midwest and our first annual "Meet Me In St. Louis" Extravaganza. Much fun was had by all--so much that there's no way I could retell it all. So, here's the very long and not-so-short of it.

We got into Mtn Home late the 14th and discovered early on the 15th that Audrey thought she might die if she wasn't constantly attached to my person. This, of course, did not stop Grandma G. and Auntie Em (or Emba) from doing forced immersion experiments to make Audrey realize she not only wouldn't perish when out of my presence, but she would also be given ice cream and cookies. It still took a while. By the time we got up to St. Louis to meet the Aunts and Uncles, Audrey would've welcomed abduction by pirates as long as they had a substantial supply of pastries and ice cream on their ship. This, of course, means that their experiment was successful and that Audrey ingested more than her fair share of desserts this week.

While we were in Mtn Home, we visited with the Gamelin Fam every day; this translates to really good food and lots of it. We also made homemade soap, glazed pottery, went to the park, learned our colors and how to read and write, attended the MHHS Band's annual pancake supper, gave Audrey a tour of our old stomping grounds and much, much more. For pictures of the much, much more, go here.

We left good 'ole Mtn. Home for St. Louis on the 2oth and met up with Uncle Joe and "The Grands" (a.k.a. Jeanne, Jim, Chris and Dick). All in all, Audrey had an entourage of nine (count 'em--Nine!) adoring relatives for the weekend to escort her to downtown St. Charles, the Saint Louis Zoo and Ted Drewes for ice cream. How Audrey has survived the past 24 hours without a sugar fix, I'll never know. She's been hiding the symptoms of withdrawal quite well.

Sunday morning, we packed our bags and headed back to the West Coast (aka The Best Coast. Seriously. You should move here. Now.) John was meeting us in the airport in Seattle, so we only had a four hour direct flight to get home, but a sudden case of air sickness made it feel more like a 10 hour flight. I literally had to draw inspiration from my breathing techniques during labor to keep from throwing up on the jam-packed plane. Yet another glorious moment in parenting.

Contrary to my belief during the last half hour of the flight, we did eventually make it home alive and man, does it feel good! Even though Audrey didn't sleep very well last night, I still got to sleep in my own bed and hang out with my husband, who also miraculously survived a week without us.

Well, I should be folding mounds of laundry and being productive, so I'll just leave you with some parting thoughts that wouldn't fit anywhere in the main body of my post without making it into a novel. Enjoy!

• We expect a hefty increase in attendance for next year's Meet Me In St. Louis Extravaganza, including someone who will be even younger than Audrey--you know who you are!
• Audrey's favorite animals are officially giraffes and monkeys
• I no longer have bad sushi Karma
• Someone needs to bring back the phrase "to cast up one's accounts" as a reference to vomiting.
• Air travel and the scent of orange soap being made both make me want to cast up my accounts.
• "That was never there" was the number one phrase used last week
• "I'm not arguing that with you" came in as a close second
• I will admit Mom won settlers, but she cheats.
• I will take back the last statement if mom bribes me with pottery
• Everyone should go here and buy pottery from my mother. But beware, it is addicting.

Birthday Extravaganza

John is officially 31! There is no denying it! Check out the pictures and laugh in his general direction whenever possible!

Weekend Update

It was a fun weekend at the Schweighardt complex; Kathryn and Jeff made an impromptu visit to the Tri-Cities and much revelry ensued. Not only did Kathryn officially make her way back into the Auntie-Olympics with many cute gifts to Audrey, but there was a heck of a lot of celebrating to do. Jeff's birthday and his one-year anniversary of living in Washington are both fast apporaching, but the big Kahuna was Kap & Jeff's 5th Wedding anniversary on the 9th. I believe the traditional anniversary gift for this year involves wood. (Actually, I don't just believe, I know...because I looked it up. God Bless Google) Anyway, we translated "wood" to mean fruit tart and champagne. It's amazing how easy it is to confuse the two. The rest of the weekend invoved tea shops, visiting wineries, eating to excess and marveling at the Dragon's awesomeness; a good time in any book as far as I'm concerned.

In the spirit of excessive celebration, we're keeping the ball rolling with John's birthday this friday. He's turning the big 3-1, which for some reason is more difficult than 30. I've offered to switch ages with him, but no dice. He insists he wants to have a young trophy wife, so these are the sacrifices he's going to have to make...like admitting he's 31.

The day after John's birthday, Audrey and I are headed out to the Midwest for a week. We're excited, but it's also the longest I've ever been away from John. (I know, we're pitiful) So, plans are: a busy week of hockey games and a trip to Seattle for John and I know the week will fly by for me with all the people we are going to get to see. I can't wait for the Pfaff Aunts to meet Audrey!

Anyway, unless I've got new video or a fun story to tell, this will probably be my last update until I get back. It doesn't really matter though, since most people who read this thing will be seeing me in the next few weeks. Until then!

A Disturbing Duo

These two together are starting to scare me.




p.s. Emily: Check Picasa and accept my humble apologies for not posting a picture a day--Audrey's the one with super powers, not me.

I've been tagged

So, any of you who read Julie's Blog know what the tagging is about, but for those of you in the dark, here's the spiel: I'm supposed to pick the 6th picture in the 6th photo album on my computer and blog about it. Usually I don't do these things, but I thought it was a cute idea.

This picture was taken the infamous Christmas of 2006. It's the storefront window to my parent's flower shop. The Christmas windows have always been my favorite; they remind me of the opening scenes to so many classic Christmas movies where kids have their faces plastered to the glass, trying to sneak a peek at the much-coveted toy they hope will be under the tree for them this year.

It also brings back memories of when my parents first bought the shop when I was in grade school. I remember how big the building felt and it was so cool exploring a new space that was ours. I also distinctly remember eating packets of cheese crackers and drinking twister that I had bought from the health food store next door almost every day. (It's amazing how many of my memories are directly tied to food)

All in all, this building is a huge part of who I am. It's not just my parent's business; it's where I grew up--where I spent my sick days, snow days and summer breaks. My creativity is almost all a direct result of the myriad of materials I had at my hands in this place: making cars out of cardboard boxes and costumes out of ribbons and balloons. I can't even begin to tap the number of memories linked to this one photo, but suffice it to say they all make me happy and that should say more than anything.

Welcome to the Breakfast Table...Again.

I talk all the time about how crazy it is living in the Schweighardt house, but really, there's no way to describe it. I know a lot of you probably think you've got a good idea of the particular brand of crazy we subscribe to around here, but you've got to live it to know what it's like. On that note, I'd like to invite you to our breakfast table on Sunday morning.

First, I'll set the scene:
Audrey, Mom S. and I have all already been up for several hours. John has made it out of bed and graciously offered to make Huevos Rancheros for breakfast. Dad S. shuffles out to the table in his ever-present addidas sandals and after berating his wife for not bringing him coffee in bed, (which she never does) has obtained said coffee and is settling in for breakfast. Elizabeth (or Boo) has even been lured upstairs before the ungodly hour of noon to partake in the festivities. Even Great Grandma comes in to join the fun. Meanwhile, Mom S. chooses to sit on the couch reading the paper instead of being subjected to yet another Schweighardt Family Breakfast.

None of us can remember where the conversation started, so you're being tossed right in the middle--trust me, it's better this way.

Gillian: (Quote from the movie Big Lebowski) Say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, dude, but at least it's an ethos.
John: Dad, pop quiz: Where was National Socialism most prevalent in the twentieth century?
Dad S: Is this a real question or are we joking?
Gillian: *bangs fist on table* Die Nationale Sozialisten waren Nazis!!! *salutes* Zeich Heil!
(I can do this because I spent plenty of money obtaining a German Minor in college that I will never use)
John: National socialism was different from international socialism in that...
*Dad bangs head on plate and continues to look for leftover bits of food on it as John keeps talking*
(Because the conversation is quickly deteriorating, as usual, Gillian throws out a quote from While You Were Sleeping)
Gillian: All the great ones were tall!
Dad S: (happy for any change of topic and an excuse to bring up his hero) John Wayne was six foot four and a half!
Gillian: Dustin Hoffman wasn't tall.
John: Would you want to see Dustin Hoffman save the Alamo?
Great Grandma: They didn't save the Alamo!
Dad S: No one has been able to make a good movie about the Alamo
John: Because the last one had Billy Bob Thornton in it
Dad S: John Wayne lost his shirt making The Alamo
John: I'm sure he had more than one shirt
Dad S: Yeah, but what if it was his favorite?
Boo: (with a mouth full of huevos) I took a quiz to see what my real name should be and it said: "Abraham"
*crickets*
Gillian: What kind of quiz was this?
Boo: You enter information about your personality and it tells you what your real name should be--like me: Abraham for Abraham Lincoln.
John: He was our best president, but I'd like to think that under the proper circumstances, Abraham Lincoln wouldn't stab someone with a dagger out of spite.
Boo: I wouldn't either!
John: So, if you were to try to kill me, how would you do it?
Boo: If I were trying to kill you, I would do it with kindness.
John: If I came at you with a knife and stabbed you, how would you defend yourself?
Boo: Easy, I'd Kung Fu chop you.
John: That's not killing me with kindness, that's killing me with karate

Interspersed in all this are numerous Dragon squawks (see the previous post), lip buzzing, tambourine playing, the clank of wooden blocks on her high chair and lots of fake coughing.

Well, that's all Folks. Thanks for joining us for breakfast! I hope you won't think twice now before coming to visit; we may be crazy, but we're a lot of fun!